Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My husband read to me last night from Max Lacado's book Greatest Moments in the life of Christ. Prior to that we enjoyed dinner at Mom and Dad's... it is nice to have family close by....
Tonight Whitney came to visit with her dog Bella.... Addie cackled at Mia playing with Bella.... Addie was really happy and delightful today.... we played outside and went shopping.... it was really cold yesterday but tomorrow it is going to be 72 degrees!
I am so grateful for old friends who always care.....
Whitney commented on how low I am carrying this baby.... It is strange how different my two pregnancies are.... With the first I carried high, was sick, gained a TON of weight, had major hot flashes, etc. With this one I am carrying low, have not been sick once, have not gained any weight, but rather just shifted weight around, and have had a stable body temperature.
I am nesting early... I started cleaning out the attic today and not the attic looks great but upstairs is aweful b/c of everything i pulled out of the attic! I hope to make a dent in the upstairs tomorrow b/c tonight I am relaxing under my electric blanket watching TV.... it is quiet and peaceful..... Addie reached for her bed and went straight to sleep.... I am afraid she has spoiled us with sleeping so well and consistantly..... Our next child will probably be as inconsistant as the weather. Lord give me genuine rest anytime I do get to sleep once this next baby is here.
As I cleaned out the attic i found two rocking chairs.... Mark told me tonight that they were his and his late brothers.... I am so excited that my children will get to have them. At Mom's Addie loves to rock in Mom's old rocking chair that she used as a child (as well as I used).....
I need to get the video camera out more often b/c she is changing so much everyday and I want to capture these moments that have touched my soul!
I am off to a land of dreams ..... Have a blessed evening!

Monday, October 27, 2008

I am grateful for the prayers, phone calls, emails, and family and friends who have ministered to us. Yesterday we enjoyed a relaxing afternoon hanging outside with our neighbors, and we have enjoyed this evening (after I got home from work)... we are currently watching the Titans and Colts play with my electric blanket turned on b/c I am COLD....
Mark had an interesting situation today.... He went to take the hospital bed down for his mother and he told her that he moved Brandon to TX permanently. Expecting drama he was shocked when she said she understood that it was alot on he and I and that she hoped we would be able to have stability now. She commented that she knew something was going to happen b/c of all of the problems. As Mark left, she stopped him and asked him to pray with her. Never in 40 years has his mother prayed with him. He was amazed! Miracle never do cease.....
we have not believed all of her claims to have rededicated her life, etc but it difficult times where she has chosen to remain calm and composed it has definitely told us that something is changing within her.
I need the Lord to give me forgiveness towards her and towards Brandon. Brandon started school today in TX. Lord please bring someone into his life in this new place and touch his heart through your missionaries in that region/school/neighborhood....
I think the Lord is teaching me what perserverence is.... I feel stronger even though I feel weak with everything that has happened. I have laughed today and it felt great to smile!
On another note... our confirmation ultrasound is Thursday but we KNOW it is a BOY!
Boy names in the running...
Cameron, Keaton, Brody, Jackson, Sutton, Grayson, Peyton, Houston, .... if you cannot tell i really like "on" endings b/c we already have Brandon and Addison.... any suggestions??!?!?

Friday, October 24, 2008

ITS A BOY!!!!!!!!!
I do not know where i stopped blogging but i am going to start with July-August of 2008... Brandon moved home from a 6-8 week sabatical with my in-laws in TX, and things were okay. We went on family vacation and it was actually fun...in my opinion. August we got him enrolled in school and then it all began.....
His grades were AWEFUL from the 2nd week of school. We decided that we would let him fail if that is what it took to teach him that school is not a joke. We withdrew him from the school play b/c he refused to do any homework. A few weeks of minor teenage issues go by and I thought I could handle living with this family dynamic. labor day arrives and he lets loose on me verbally and emotionally(in an abusive manner)...threatening to steal my car, pushing his way into my room, yelling/cursing, got suspended from school for similar unruly behavior at school, etc. My mother-in-law made things worse by threatening me and encouraging Brandon to counter me in every way imaginable. She has said and done more horrific things intintionally that I knew a person could. My parents had to step in and take Brandon b/c I was not safe. Mark returned from the hurricane relief deployment (the longest three weeks of my life) and things calm down for a few days... after Mark had been home for 4 days Brandon is standing in our door yelling at us like we are trash that he walks on. My marriage is strained to say the least.... a week later his grades are worse and he expects his freedom back. Mark addresses the consequences for the grades and Brandon starts throwing things in the garage and hitting our car with objects from the garage. Beating on counters and cursing in front of our daughter. I am at my whits end at this point and beg God to strike him or me or both, but we could not keep living like this. Last week Mark tried to get Brandon to study and he threw the homework at Mark and cursed/yelled at him in from our living room to his room. Last night Brandon and his mother were having a conversation about girls boobs and after he got off the phone i told him it was not appropriate and I wanted the phone. He said NO and it escalated from there... i went to my room waiting for Mark to get home and Brandon would not leave me door and kept beating on the walls and yelling.... Mark sent him to his room and Brandon beat on the walls and door for an hour... he was cussing and yelling while my daughter is playing in the living room. it is uncontrolable and he does not even respond to Mark anymore. He lies constantly and I am so weary that if something did not happen soon I would not have the strength to stay. As Mark watched Addison cry and cling to me listening to the chaos of objects being thrown in Brandon's room he decided to send him away for good. We have a baby and an unborn child that need a safe home and this behavior is not tolerable anymore! I cannot get him to stay out of my closet and going through my personal things..... everytime i go in his room or bathroom I find something not acceptable in this home...from tobacco on many occassions to condoms to pics that are not appropriate to stories that are grafic(written by him) and vile to music that is so sinful, etc.... Tomorrow morning Brandon will be living in TX with Mark's father for the remainder of his highschool career. My marriage is so weak....My daughter is so confused....I am so angry that this has happened....and Mark is hurting.....
Please keep Addison's security, Brandon's heart that needs to find the Lord, Mark's leadership and stability, and my bitterness in your prayers b/c we are all struggling and need Divine Intervention!
I have gotten angry, cried, pretended like I was fine, and wanted to run away through this past two years of marriage but God has shown me how much I need Him. I am weak and I knwo that I can only be a mom and a wife in His strength right now.... The Lord has blessed me with a moms group that is studying how to be a mother lead by Proverbs and it is convicting about my role in this family and how important it is to speak pleasant words in my home. I am trying to learn to be "soft".....
God can use all of this misfortune to help someone and I pray that I do not stand in the way....