Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My husband read to me last night from Max Lacado's book Greatest Moments in the life of Christ. Prior to that we enjoyed dinner at Mom and Dad's... it is nice to have family close by....
Tonight Whitney came to visit with her dog Bella.... Addie cackled at Mia playing with Bella.... Addie was really happy and delightful today.... we played outside and went shopping.... it was really cold yesterday but tomorrow it is going to be 72 degrees!
I am so grateful for old friends who always care.....
Whitney commented on how low I am carrying this baby.... It is strange how different my two pregnancies are.... With the first I carried high, was sick, gained a TON of weight, had major hot flashes, etc. With this one I am carrying low, have not been sick once, have not gained any weight, but rather just shifted weight around, and have had a stable body temperature.
I am nesting early... I started cleaning out the attic today and not the attic looks great but upstairs is aweful b/c of everything i pulled out of the attic! I hope to make a dent in the upstairs tomorrow b/c tonight I am relaxing under my electric blanket watching TV.... it is quiet and peaceful..... Addie reached for her bed and went straight to sleep.... I am afraid she has spoiled us with sleeping so well and consistantly..... Our next child will probably be as inconsistant as the weather. Lord give me genuine rest anytime I do get to sleep once this next baby is here.
As I cleaned out the attic i found two rocking chairs.... Mark told me tonight that they were his and his late brothers.... I am so excited that my children will get to have them. At Mom's Addie loves to rock in Mom's old rocking chair that she used as a child (as well as I used).....
I need to get the video camera out more often b/c she is changing so much everyday and I want to capture these moments that have touched my soul!
I am off to a land of dreams ..... Have a blessed evening!

Monday, October 27, 2008

I am grateful for the prayers, phone calls, emails, and family and friends who have ministered to us. Yesterday we enjoyed a relaxing afternoon hanging outside with our neighbors, and we have enjoyed this evening (after I got home from work)... we are currently watching the Titans and Colts play with my electric blanket turned on b/c I am COLD....
Mark had an interesting situation today.... He went to take the hospital bed down for his mother and he told her that he moved Brandon to TX permanently. Expecting drama he was shocked when she said she understood that it was alot on he and I and that she hoped we would be able to have stability now. She commented that she knew something was going to happen b/c of all of the problems. As Mark left, she stopped him and asked him to pray with her. Never in 40 years has his mother prayed with him. He was amazed! Miracle never do cease.....
we have not believed all of her claims to have rededicated her life, etc but it difficult times where she has chosen to remain calm and composed it has definitely told us that something is changing within her.
I need the Lord to give me forgiveness towards her and towards Brandon. Brandon started school today in TX. Lord please bring someone into his life in this new place and touch his heart through your missionaries in that region/school/neighborhood....
I think the Lord is teaching me what perserverence is.... I feel stronger even though I feel weak with everything that has happened. I have laughed today and it felt great to smile!
On another note... our confirmation ultrasound is Thursday but we KNOW it is a BOY!
Boy names in the running...
Cameron, Keaton, Brody, Jackson, Sutton, Grayson, Peyton, Houston, .... if you cannot tell i really like "on" endings b/c we already have Brandon and Addison.... any suggestions??!?!?

Friday, October 24, 2008

ITS A BOY!!!!!!!!!
I do not know where i stopped blogging but i am going to start with July-August of 2008... Brandon moved home from a 6-8 week sabatical with my in-laws in TX, and things were okay. We went on family vacation and it was actually my opinion. August we got him enrolled in school and then it all began.....
His grades were AWEFUL from the 2nd week of school. We decided that we would let him fail if that is what it took to teach him that school is not a joke. We withdrew him from the school play b/c he refused to do any homework. A few weeks of minor teenage issues go by and I thought I could handle living with this family dynamic. labor day arrives and he lets loose on me verbally and emotionally(in an abusive manner)...threatening to steal my car, pushing his way into my room, yelling/cursing, got suspended from school for similar unruly behavior at school, etc. My mother-in-law made things worse by threatening me and encouraging Brandon to counter me in every way imaginable. She has said and done more horrific things intintionally that I knew a person could. My parents had to step in and take Brandon b/c I was not safe. Mark returned from the hurricane relief deployment (the longest three weeks of my life) and things calm down for a few days... after Mark had been home for 4 days Brandon is standing in our door yelling at us like we are trash that he walks on. My marriage is strained to say the least.... a week later his grades are worse and he expects his freedom back. Mark addresses the consequences for the grades and Brandon starts throwing things in the garage and hitting our car with objects from the garage. Beating on counters and cursing in front of our daughter. I am at my whits end at this point and beg God to strike him or me or both, but we could not keep living like this. Last week Mark tried to get Brandon to study and he threw the homework at Mark and cursed/yelled at him in from our living room to his room. Last night Brandon and his mother were having a conversation about girls boobs and after he got off the phone i told him it was not appropriate and I wanted the phone. He said NO and it escalated from there... i went to my room waiting for Mark to get home and Brandon would not leave me door and kept beating on the walls and yelling.... Mark sent him to his room and Brandon beat on the walls and door for an hour... he was cussing and yelling while my daughter is playing in the living room. it is uncontrolable and he does not even respond to Mark anymore. He lies constantly and I am so weary that if something did not happen soon I would not have the strength to stay. As Mark watched Addison cry and cling to me listening to the chaos of objects being thrown in Brandon's room he decided to send him away for good. We have a baby and an unborn child that need a safe home and this behavior is not tolerable anymore! I cannot get him to stay out of my closet and going through my personal things..... everytime i go in his room or bathroom I find something not acceptable in this home...from tobacco on many occassions to condoms to pics that are not appropriate to stories that are grafic(written by him) and vile to music that is so sinful, etc.... Tomorrow morning Brandon will be living in TX with Mark's father for the remainder of his highschool career. My marriage is so weak....My daughter is so confused....I am so angry that this has happened....and Mark is hurting.....
Please keep Addison's security, Brandon's heart that needs to find the Lord, Mark's leadership and stability, and my bitterness in your prayers b/c we are all struggling and need Divine Intervention!
I have gotten angry, cried, pretended like I was fine, and wanted to run away through this past two years of marriage but God has shown me how much I need Him. I am weak and I knwo that I can only be a mom and a wife in His strength right now.... The Lord has blessed me with a moms group that is studying how to be a mother lead by Proverbs and it is convicting about my role in this family and how important it is to speak pleasant words in my home. I am trying to learn to be "soft".....
God can use all of this misfortune to help someone and I pray that I do not stand in the way....

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Families are so complicated. Some people you cannot get enough of and then others you never want to see again. I am going through a study on being a wise woman/wife/mom and it is convicting about what type of example I am setting for my family - saved and lost. I have been struggling with my circumstances but yesterday I was convicted about being so selfish always upset about what is happening to me. I have a great home, a family that is there for me, a flexible job, a husband who provides and is actively involved in our lives, and so much more!

I recommend everyone seeing the movie Fireproof ... it touched my heart last night when mark and I went to see it!

I am almost 4 months along now and it is starting to show in my mid section! I am almost positive it is a boy...we will know for sure next month....... I want to be a godly mom and I pray that God will guide me each day with my children. I am tired ALOT!

I hope everyone is enjoying this weather of breezes and comfort as we are!

I am so excited to watch my husband love our baby girl and I cannot wait to see what God has in store for our family! I am looking forward to her first birthday party in a few weeks! I hope to see you all again soon and thank you for your prayers and support!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Things have gotten worse before they have gotten better. I was not sure I could take much more when my husband informed me that the task force was going to have to stay at least another week. We are already in the third week of them being gone. I wanted to scream, cry, yell ...anything but I did not..... He continued to tell me that he had told him supervisors that he could not stay and would need immediate transportation home. I was overjoyed even though we did not know when or how he would get home. Yesterday we talked and it was looking like Tuesday or Wednesday at the earliest until at 6 last night he called me to let me know he was headed to the Houston airport and I could pick him up around 10p.m. My heart leaped b/c he was finally home!!!
We need him home to take care of the unruly mess that has been created and it just gives me comfort to know that he is back. He woke Addie, played with her a while, and got to see her walk for the first time! I loved watching his face and he delighted in our baby girl.
He is going to rest today b/c he has had one heck of a couple weeks..... Praise the Lord for compassionate leaders who let him leave without jeopardizing his job. I was sad to have to get up and come into work today but I feel so relieved to know that he is going to be at the house when I get off.
Mom is still keeping Brandon b/c he is STILL SUSPENDED. He has gone over and above to try to break me and my spirit this past two weeks. Pray for wisdom b/c something radical is going to have to happen and we want to make sure that all of our decisions are guided by the Lord.
I go to the doctor this week to hear my little baby's heartbeat! I am so grateful that I have not been sick b/c that would have probably been more than I could bare with all the stresses that I have been subject to.
If it is a boy I am leaning on the name "Cameron". Mark is not sold on it but I am going to say it alot so maybe he will get used to it :) ..... Any suggestions on baby names I would love to hear them! Addie is home with Daddy today and I cannot wait to join them in a few short hours!
Have a blessed week and dont ever take your spouse or family for granite!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

God has brought people into my path - some who have been there for as long as i can remember and some who i would not have expected - who have helped me through trials this week and last. I am not sure where to go from here but I know that I will sleep better at night when my husband returns home. I am doing a study through proverbs with other women to learn how to be a wise mother and wife. I fail my family daily and I am praying for guidance to learn to serve them rather than thinking of myself. If the Lord is trying to humble me He is succeeding!
I am so grateful for resources that are helping me! Thank everyone for your prayers and concerns.
Addie took close to 10 steps several times over the past couple days. I am getting excited that she is starting to walk! the slower I get being prego the faster she will get! :)

I am reading Atonement Child and it is so thought provoking everytime i want to have self pity.
I am struggling with anger towards someone in my life right now and I want to walk away and never think about that relationship again but i know that is probably not what i am supposed to do. Boundaries are not supported and i dont know how to stay in control of my home.
I desperately dont want Satan to have a strong hold over anyone or anything in my house!
I pray for the ability and wisdom to safe guard my home with my husband...
I pray that the Lord will equip mark with all the necessary tools to lead our family!

On a lighter note i am watching Along Cam Polly and for those of you who have seen it the hairy sweaty guy in the basketball match just about made me barf! I love this movie!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

I am not very consistent at blogging but I wanted to let anyone and everyone know that I am pregnant again..... Addie will be 18 months old, Brandon will be 16, and we will have a new born! Mark will be OVER THE HILL in Dec. I am going to be busy selling my house and getting ready for our new addition. My husband is in New Orleans helping flood victims.... I would give anything to have him home again! Brandon and I went to counseling today and it was successful! I am praying that God grip our family and help us blend smoothly!
Pray for my mother in law b/c she is no longer welcome at our home b/c of the outrageous acts she has committed in the last week and really the past few years.... I need to not be bitter but it is hard when you are dealing with someone so vile and wicked towards you.
Mark is struggling with the division in our family and I pray God give him strength lead our family in the way of the truth with or without or family's support....
I am reading Atonement Child and her questions of why such unfortunate circumstances happened to her are some of the questions I have been asking today.... I have be humiliated, angry, depressed, and lonely the past couple days and I have had to bury myself in I peter about going through trials and staying in my role! That is a little tougher than it sounds....
everyone is having babies and advancing in their careers and sometimes I feel like I am not progressing but just sitting under a stack of things.... The Lord is having to supply me with strength to prioritize and know what is important to deal with and what is petty. I blur those two alot! I have seen alot of pain and loss in people's lives around me lately and it is hard to swallow. Children separated from their families, death by natural causes and some not so natural.... The Lord is the giver and taker of life but sometimes I feel like life can be drained out of you even though you still have breath left. I am sorry if this has sounded dark but troubling times have caused me to question things and just be somewhat somber.... I love the Lord and know that He will guide my family to a healthy place where we can rejoice together as a body of believers!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


We just got back from Family vacation and it was great! Our family has been divided for months and now we are all back together and getting along splendidly!
I wish i could say it has been easy but it has not.... God is teaching me to love people who test me and that i did not choose to have in my life directly.....
Addison is getting so big and i have never loved anyone or anything so much in my life.... I dont even understand how i will be able to love another child this much!
I am learning to let God fill me with His love in order for me to show others love.... I am alwyas trying to do it on my own and be so strong and it keeps landing me in the failure zone...
Thank the Lord for GRACE!
I realized something last night at a bible study i was at that when i despise something in someone else (and usually get judgemental about it) that it is usually not completely absent in my life ..... I have alot of working on myself to accomplish with the Lord's help. Thank the Lord for family!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

I made it thought two long days at the office.... Addie brought me lunch yesterday and brightened my day with her smiling face! :)
Today we are hanging out all day .... Mommy bible study, shopping, and just playing at the house!
She is such a blessing and I have missed her all day long that i have been away from her...
I have had some sweet friends call and email me to encourage me through the transition....
I loved being able to be the one that got her all ready for the day today b/c dad has done it the past two days so Mommy could get ready and then play with the little baby girl for a minute before Mommy had to go sit in traffic!
Thank you for supporting me and I pray that one day soon I will be at home with her again.....

Sunday, April 20, 2008

well today was my last day as a stay at home mom....
i report for duty at 0730 in the morning...SAD!
we had a great day.... i substituted in the 5 year old sunday school class and had a blast.... after church we went to lunch with some great friends and came home and took a NAP!
Mark had to work from 5-8 so Addie and I worked on getting our house posted and ready to list for sale ....
We also got all of her things together to go to Nay'Nay's house tomorrow while Mommy is at work and Daddy is playing golf....She is going to see G-ma Hill (i think)....
I pray everyone had a great day as we have... The sunshine and weather was amazing and helped keep a smile on my face!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I love Addie's Dad!

I wanted to let everyone know that Mark is so great with Addison and I love to watch him play and interact with her.... He takes her from me so he can spend more time with her and it touches my heart!! He told her before he left for a Union meeting that if he were going to be here for her bed time that he would do this and that with her.... (things he knew I had not planned on doing that she probably would enjoy if I would have) :)
He is so proud and he is a great DAD!
Addie got her 6 month shots today and she has a runny nose.... so she is really sad! :(
We are close to getting the house ready to be on the market so anyone that wants to buy a contemporary 3 bed 2 bath in Cordova...COME ON!! :)
Mark and I went to play tennis this afternoon and three tennis courts later i lost!
I am having to box up alot of baby stuff that she has already outgrown but I dont want to get rid of it until we are through having babies..... b/c i know i will need it again but it is so bulky to store!
enough of my whining!!!!
What about DAVID COOK??? He is going to win it ALL!!!
My vote still goes to BROOKE b/c i love her personality and simplicity!!! (if you are lost i am making references to American Idol)

On a more serious note I need alot of prayer for my relationship with my mother-in-law..... She is disrespectful and puts me down in front of our children.... I dont understand it but I want to just walk away and never speak to her but I know my husband needs me to have some sort of relationship with her b/c he loves her (despite all of her flaws)....b/c she is his mother.

Advice for all you single ladies..... You might love the man but make sure you check out all the people that come with him (parents, kids, exes, etc.).... I am speaking directly to my two sisters!!!! :)
have a great evening and i pray you all had a blessed day!

Monday, April 14, 2008

God comforts

I woke up this morning discouraged and exhausted emotionally....
God sent several people to me today to encourage me and to lift me up...
Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement....
Thank God for the body of CHRIST!
Things keep getting darker but hopefully we have hit rock bottom and can go nowhere but up! Brandon has moved to TX for the time being and I pray that he will take this time to reevaluate how he talks and defies the authority. His threatening and volatile attitude and actions have put our family in harms way. God is the only one who can change his heart... Mark is hurting and we need prayer in excess.....
We will go to TX in June and do a reevaluation of where Brandon is at to see if he can have some self control to come back home.....
I pray that God will strengthen mark and break Brandon through this period of separation.
Addie is not able to understand what is going on but she feels the intensity and hears all of the yelling ... it is not healthy and we HAVE TO CREATE A SAFE HOME.... Only God can change this bad situation... Please Lord work in our home beyond what we could imagine or request!

Friday, April 11, 2008

I am struggling watching my husband hurt over the dishonesty and evil presence in his son right now.... Please pray for God's strength for Mark... Pray for Brandon's heart b/c it is very dark and we dont understand why .... I know God allows valleys so we can cling to Him and watch Him bring glory to Himself through the darkness.... I pray that He will carry our family through some of these struggles.... I am struggling accepting that these things are happening to me but I am praying for peace that He has me right where I am for a reason.... THERE IS POWER IN PRAYER!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Today a lady in my bible study told us that her 4 year old daughter went to the doc monday with a fever and was diagnosed with Lukemia. Her world turned upside down in two days... i cannot imagine... i have held my daughter close today - Thanking God for her health and her life!
I am reading the 5 love languages of children and I pray that I am able to give Addie all 5 and emphasize in the ones that she will feel most loved by....
We are going to sit outside b/c it is a beautiful day!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The warm weather is welcomed! Addie loves being outside....
We had her pictures made today!!!! She is growing up so fast right before my eyes!
Brandon is busy into baseball and I am starting back work part time this month at the hospital.
Addie will be 6 months next week! We are so ready for the CROP, our trip to TX and FL this summer! See you then!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

well my HOTT date got moved up to Monday night and we saw 10,000 B.C. (it was kinds slow until almost the end) and went to eat Sushi!!! Mmmmmm.......
Mark and I both are having sinus trouble but his is worse and he is getting less rest than I am.
Addie and I are almost all packed for AR and cannot wait to see the Arnold girls Friday afternoon.... We have been blessed with a family and I pray that in time everyone of them will come to realize that..... Our prayers are with Jay and Joy and the unborn child that God is giving to them.... His protection is on that child and I know they will be amazing parents once again!
Addie and I went to bible study this morning, then to play at the playground, off to lunch and CheeBurger CheeBurger.... followed by a little shopping at Babies R Us.
I hope everyone is having a great week and I look forward to sharing funny stories from our trip at the top of the week! GOD is GOOD all the time and all the time GOD is GOOD!

Monday, March 10, 2008

This morning I got up and it was still dark out when it usually is light :( I did some reading and then miss prissy got up. I love watching her play with Mark b/c she just lights up!
I attempted to help someone yesterday and might have made things worse.... I need to learn to mind my own business and be QUIET!
Am I that person who someone would say the way to hell is paved with good intentions??? I hope not ..
Today we are going to finish a Spanish project, clean house, and whip myself back into shape for the SUMMER!
Addie and I cannot wait for it to be warm enough to go to the park and play!
I have a HOTT date Wednesday night at Carraba's!!! I cannot wait !
Then load up the car Thursday and head to the vacation suite in Paron AR Friday morning!

Saturday, March 8, 2008

It snowed this weekend and it is beautiful..... I love seeing what God can do with a little precipitation. I am trying to read on how to be a good parent and a good wife but it is hard right now because i am discouraged. My family is so disheveled right now that many of my family members do not even know what is going on in my life. i know that God did not design the family unit to always be easy but surely He does not condone removing people from the family unit when you feel wronged or know that they have done something they should not have..... How would any of us stay in the Family of God if that were the method He supported? who are the true leaders of a family? the Men? The women? or the humble ones who care more about being a light in darkness than they do about their own self? Can you cut people off when you are not thinking about yourself but rather thinking of others? is it easier to help a stranger and except their flaws than that of your own family members? Like i said i am confused and discouraged.
God has brought a little ray of sunshine into my day with the beautiful white sheet he has laid outside my window and always my daughter's gorgeous smile!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

This past month has been a blurrr! Brandon started back school, Mark has been working none stop, Addie and I joined a Kindermusik class and a Mom 2 Mom bible study going through the book " 5 love languages of children". Addie had her 4 month shots alst week! OUCH! She is in the 75% of her age group...said another way is that she does not miss any meals!We are trying to get our house ready to be put on the market. PRay for GOd to guide us in selling our house. Apt life awaits us until we get our next hosue built.... SO much to look forward to...... We have been through some family struggles this past week and I am still recouperating..... Lots of counseling and prayer is where we are at right now. It is so hard to make a new family out of two completely different families. Addison is the ray of light that i get to look at anytime i am down and i quickly remember how blessed I am. She was dedicated Sunday and it was a relief to be reminded that God is in control of her life not I but i do play a significant part so I have to live my life selflessly. I am looking for the days were we are striving and not just surviving....

The weather keeps going back and forth so my nose has been running for weeks...yuck!

I have been overwhelmed with the fear of being prego again .... no worries b/c i am not! :) I thank JESUS for letting me be home with my precious angel! Have a great rest of the week!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

i have learned an important lesson this weekend. Dont make important decisions and act on them without consulting with your spouse because he/she could have an incite that you have not even thought about. Always forgive when your forgiveness is requested, and don't go outside the issue when addressing an issue. I am learning how hard it is to be a wife and a parent. I was lied about by two people this weekend and after defending myself I accomplished nothing more than i could have by being quite and letting the truth set me free. My parents are good supports and came bearing dinner to watch the patriots vs the jaguars .... may the patriots never see the superbowl 2008!!!

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Addison is finally starting to sleep through the night! That
is a change that i am rejoicing over!
It is a new year but some things do not seem to change ....
I hope that I will have the strength to change for the better
regardless of what others may choose.
The three Rs I challenge you with......
Respect for self, Respect for others, and Responsibility for your
own actions (and reactions).....
I have to remember that when there is one set of footprints
He has not left me but rather He is carrying me!

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

All of the pictures below are a small recap of the past year when we became the Eskew Family! Our Blog will pick up and follow our lives from January 2008 on.... We look foward to sharing a part of our lives with you! Enjoy the recap below!